[	Tags	|	oh dear this isn't a real post.	]
[	Tell me now how do I feel?	|	crappy	]

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

I tag: drshley, punkerthanvomit, nollykin, frupachino, cholasthehedge, kif_has_spoken, maltrick and math_shoe.

1. Which celebrity would you like to meet and why?
Dead? Edie Sedgwick, I want to give her hugs and then party with her. Alive? Trent Reznor, it would be nice to sit down for a chat with him and have tea and crumpets.

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Wash my face (most nights, unless I'm drunk/off tap), brush my teeth.

3. What is your favorite thing to do on a cold winter's night?
Watch bad TV. Have a hot shower and jump into bed with someone pretty. Drink searing hot black coffee or chai tea, no milk at all.

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
Even though it's not a city, probably somewhere like Newtown where I can find incredible clothes, eat delicious food and have a bar within about 10 metres walking distance at all times. It's the type of place where you DON'T feel like a pretentious git drinking a coffee and reading/writing for hours on end. You just feel sort of average.

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Extreme introvert until you get to know me. Once I am comfortable with you, I'm very extroverted. I'm a shy person in general, sometimes I cover it up by joking about myself.

6. What gets you through those hard times?
Making plans. Fixing my hair. Doing a perfect make up. Drawing. Taking a "mental health day" from work. Drinking a coffee. Going on epic walks. Shopping.

7. Do you trust easily?
No. I can feel comfortable with people, but I don't trust unless they're very close to me or we share similar attributes.

8. What are your plans for the future?
Today - sit down with Haley and have proper talks. After that - find work doing make up full time. Get the fuck out of my sales job. Look better. Use my brain for the first time in about five years.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
My body, my job, and how helpless and depressed I feel because of them.

10. Do you have a good body-image?
See above - no. I feel ok at my safe weight, but if I go over that I go into meltdown mode. It happened this week and made me realise that I'm not quite equipped to deal with some things, no matter how well I think I'm going. A couple of years ago I was on track to feeling good about myself. I was bigger, but I felt pretty sometimes and didn't really care how much I weighed.

11. Is being tagged fun?
I wasn't, I stole this ;)

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Shlee, Dubs, Haley (Otter!! :D).

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I stole it from dizzy_jezz. If I had to describe her.. I'd say serene, witty (oh my god your Seek post nearly made me fall over from laughter), and mysterious (but that could be because I don't see you very often!).

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
That fischerspooner song because I was watching Lasagna Cat.

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing?
My cherry dress, my leopard coat, my new zipper boots :D, my skirt with suspenders, my dark red dress that Shlee bought me and my midnight blue party dress.

17. What's better: to give or to receive?
My rule of thumb - give what I can and what feels natural. I receive the same sort of thing from others.

18. What's the first thing you notice in people?
It sounds awful and lame and completely hippy-ish, but whether or not I get a good vibe from them. After that come the superficial things (which, whether I like it or not, probably influence the vibe I get from people). I notice facial characteristics more since studying make up.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
I'd need more information on the circumstances.

20. How often do you eat dinner out a week?
I rarely eat dinner.

[	Tell me now how do I feel?	|	contemplative	]
[	Raping my speakers	|	Nada.	]

Last year ended with self-assurance. I was confident in my identity, the path I planned to take in life, and the steps I needed to take to get there.

Things went a little haywire this year and I wasn't able to maintain that all the time. Winter of this year ranks up there with the most difficult parts of my life I have had to face (why do I always relapse in winter?). Spring brought more difficulties, but I was tough and got through them, albeit slightly unsettled.

But I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I haven't completely lost control, and whenever I DID lose control, those things lead to better things.

Here are some things I did this year that made it very special

- Learned that it is completely futile putting a label on myself. Putting restrictions on myself never works either. I have relaxed a little about some things.

- Met some incredible people and got to live with them for a few months. The bat cave will live on in our hearts!

- Saw some pretty amazing bands. In chronological order - Tool, The Presets (twice), Peaches, The Butterfly Effect, Gomez, Nine Inch Nails, The Cure, Marilyn Manson, Muse, Daft Punk. OH, and the trips to Melbourne for NIN and Daft Punk will always remain in my mind.

- Held down a full time job while adjusting to new medication, and even won the sales tally last month.

- Went out a lot more, and I now have work buddies to drink with.

- Got rid of all my hair!!!!!

- Most importantly, I fell gut-wrenchingly, head over heels in love. You all know who I am talking about :)



Here are my wishes for next year:

- To be happy in love.

- To see my friends more often! I am sorry I have been terrible at catching up with you all (except on Saturday nights, which don't count as much) but next year I am going to try and fix that.

- To write, draw and read more.

- For all of YOU to be happy.


I have evolved a little bit this year. Just a little bit. Appearance-wise, here is a comparison.



You can't change yourself overnight. You can't force yourself to do it. You can't make the rules and expect to stick with them if it's restricting aspects of your lifestyle you're not ready to let go of yet. Feel the flow. Evolve. Look back in satisfaction when you can give a big "fuck you" to all the things that have been dragging you down.

2007, you have been a rollercoaster ride of a year.

[	Tell me now how do I feel?	|	contemplative	]
[	Raping my speakers	|	"Grip Like A Vice" - The Go! Team	]

I'm back from the dead/land without Internet/working 7 days a week/moving house.

This means I actually have a little bit of free time (OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT???) so I decided to spend it wisely and report back here. Yes, wisely. Wisely. I'm much happier than I was at the time of the last entry. The mistakes I referred to have mostly been fixed. The biggest one has, anyway, and yeah. It makes me smile. 

Soph took this picture the other night at Shotz. It surprised me - it's one of the few where I'm not looking down/hiding/wanting to disappear. It occurred to me that I've been a little more confident lately. I'm still reclusive and self-conscious, but not painfully so. Here is the photo (featuring the beautiful Steph!)



JO'S CORNER WHERE SHE TALKS ABOUT THINGS THAT WERE HYPED LATELY THAT SHE DECIDED TO EXPERIENCE (Note: May not be a corner so much as a couple of paragraphs of text on a screen)

- Harry Potter.

- The Impsons Simpsons Movie. Far more enjoyable than I had anticipated. I laughed a LOT, which is always a good sign when the movie you are watching is in the comedy genre. The Bart/Flanders sub-plot was a really good one, I think. 

I'm living in Blackwood on my own, now. It's pretty fantastic most of the time. I'm near Ye Olde Blackwood Crew, I'm near trains, I'm near Bubba's Pizza (I just find it amusing that the name is Bubba) which I've yet to try. ANYONE WANT TO TRY BUBBA'S PIZZA WITH ME? Of course you do. "Bubba's Pizza" sounds like a DVD we'd stock at work.

The funniest DVD titles I've encountered at work so far? "The Gapes of Wrath" rates pretty highly, as do "Taco Flavoured Kisses" and "Say Aloha to my A-Hola". "I Want to Fuck You In the Toilet" also gets a mention because of its straightforward nature.

That's all for now. As a wise man once said, "Life is white, and I am black". Definitely. Me too.

END COMMUNICATION.

I've made so many mistakes lately. I'm afraid that I'll keep fucking up and drive myself in deeper. I want everything to go back to the way it was two months ago. I'm having trouble coping. 

I try to just block things out because they're too painful to think of, but they just come back. It's really consuming and I haven't been this upset in ages.

I want to feel pretty for once.

I want to feel smart, funny, social, motivated and kind; I feel really empty right now.

I'm waiting for something to come along and help me up, get me back on my feet, stop my awful habits. I know I can only do it myself, though.


This is really hurting. I'm an idiot.

This post took far too long to... post. 

I'm very sorry that this will mainly be picwhoring. I'm at Netlan with a lack of money and time. 

I went to Melbourne a couple of weeks ago. I saw Nine Inch Nails. Twice. I had the time of my life, and I wish I could go back there. I took a shitload of photos, unfortunately my camera decided to wipe most of them from my memory card. Shlee is going to try to get them back, I think. Go team Shlee. Here are the ones that survived the great photoloss of 2007:

I like my job at the moment. It's the quietest job I've ever had, and I like it that way; it gives me time to read, draw and watch absolute shit on TV. This is what I do most of the day...

I changed my hairstyle PROPERLY for the first time since I was about 15. No more side fringe. No more hair in my face, really. It's a big step for me. I rely on hiding behind my hair, and I can't do that anymore. Probably for the best.

I miss you kids, the ones who keep me sane. I need you right now, I think. My parents have cut off contact with me, with the exception of the typed letter I received in the mail the other week. Ummmmmmmmmmm... that's all.

Sorry.

If you are reading this, tell me one thing you like about yourself. It will cheer you up, and I'd like to see the good traits that you recognise in yourselves. It doesn't have to be something big. It can be physical or emotional. I'll get you started -

My ability to pull myself together after things are going badly.
My right ear because it sticks out.
My stubbornness (a blessing and a curse, I suppose).


Go for it. Have a think - if you can't come up with anything, I'll tell you what I like about you.

What a change from my last entry! Life gave me a swift kick to the cunt, told me to get up and stop being a sad panda, then handed me a nice plate of delicious goods. Delicious METAPHORICAL goods.

Last weekend was my birthday. I turned 20. Thankyou everyone who sent me birthday cheer or just joined me for a chat/dance/hug in the city. YOU are what made my weekend great. I was surrounded by people I love, new friends and old friends. 

Highlights? I'm glad you asked!

- People who made a massive effort to turn up, i.e. Adam who had a cold (also Adam, if you're reading this, thankyou for yours and Ali's awesome present.)

- Vodka. Vodka vodka vodka. I didn't have to pay for any of it (except one maybe? I forget). All of my booze and drugs were free. Voted best? I think yes.

- Smiddy to the girl in the gutter in pink who was crying - "HEYYYYOUWANNAPARTYWITHUS???"

- Some guy's jacket. It had like, grip on the elbows. WHO NEEDS GRIP ON THEIR JACKET ELBOWS? Someone who does a lot of extreme things, no doubt.

- Dancing with some of my favourite people in the entire world.

- Brittany dressing up as me. Best. Costume. Ever.

- The bus driver who said "That's cool guys, no drinking on the bus, but hey, I won't tell anyone if you don't spill anything!!"

- A deep and meaningful with Smiddy that neither of us remembered much of the next morning.

- Knowing that my weekend was just so fucking brilliant that I ended up in hospital the next night. Seriously, there was no other way to end it. Apparently I had a stomach infection (the doctors told me to stop drinking on an empty stomach.... NEVARRRRRR!) and they hooked me up to a drip for three hours. I got some great painkillers. Poor Dubs took me there and stayed awake til 4:30am even though he had uni the next day.

Here are some photos. Yes, birthdays warrant picwhoring.

Brittany as me!

"WHO WANTS CAKE??" No one did until the next day.


Dubs wins.




Red. Lots of red. 


Dubs, me, the very handsome Jickle (ladies, he's single!!!) and the gorgeous Laura.


Matilda is absolutely beautiful. 


So is Laura.


James looks like such a killing machine here that I can hardly bear it!


Jickle, Laura, Podgy, Me, James, Dubs, Louis. Best.


Todd has excellent eyebrows.



Duncan, one of my favourite new friends. LOOKIT THE ANGER.


But, like, now it's cool. He's happy.


The luscious lips and awesome new hairstyle of Elle.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA so fucked.


Rhea and Shlee. Gorgeous people.


Hehehe, likewise Sally and Zeke.


Earlier in the night. If you read Smiddy's t-shirt it insults you.


Shlee and me. HAR HAR I MADE A RHYME.


Vesely. He sure can drink!


The Smid and I again. We sure can pose!



Also THANKYOU Jezz for season 4 of the L Word! I'm enjoying it very much, except Jenny. Please, shut up Jenny. Now.

Everyone come out again this weekend!! I want a repeat performance.